Hello and Welcome
I may seem angry in many of my posts, but I’ve found being a parent in today’s world a very lonely job. I do not believe in the most common trends but I do have very strong beliefs. Up until November 06 I did not have much self-confidence but now I realise I must be confidence in order to be able to give the best to my family.
I'm always looking for something new.
http://www.mobywrap.com/
This is a great site. Mum and I made up a wrap out of some soft ribbing. Makes a big difference with the ablity to spread out the load (sorry Ara your only a small load though). I'm still working on the backpack hold as that is the main mode of transport for Ara and I now when we go on longer walks. The front hold is great for putting the washing on the line. The down fall with the front pack is Ara's legs used to hang down in the way so we couldn't bend over. With the wrap the legs are pulled up to wrap around you so she's "sitting". I can also talk to Ara and hand her pegs so she feels like she's helping.
Holding Ara really helps as she's really intrested in everything we do.
I can see the "whats that" and the "why" stage being very long.
Parenting is like a religion. We invest so much time, thought and love into it we cannot begin to understand that there are others out there that do not and will not ever believe in the way we practice. It is very hard to change your thoughts because of the investment you have put into that belief. But we need to learn to be tolerant and understand that is not one true parenting method any more than there is one true religon.
I’ve been down that “cry it out” road.
What!!? I hear you say.
Yup
When Ara was about 6 months old (you could probably put it down as a growth spurt) she just started demanding more and more feeding....all through the night. It was constant. I would like to say it was every half hour but I don’t think we really stopped. People were saying that my milk was not enough that I was not producing enough which I’ve now discovered is totally untrue. But the total tiredness....I got to the point that I was shaking with exhaustion. I was angry and I was getting violent.
I REALLY needed a break.
I talked with my Plunket nurse and she gave me a little photocopy on controlled crying. I didn’t like the idea. I went to see what they could do for me at Plunket House.
It took them 1.5hrs to rock Ara off to sleep which she then only slept 45mins, there was no more help there really.
I needed help NOW!
I was also under a lot of pressure from well meaning friends and family.
“You don’t want to be rocking a 2 year old to sleep”
“It (cry-it-out) never did me any harm”
“Oh they (the baby) know.....they can manipulate you”
My confidence was at an all time low, and my brain was no better that scrambled eggs.
So there I was trying to get my poor baby to sleep in the cot, not rock her to sleep or feed her to sleep. It was just too much and it all backfired.
We brought a book called “Save Our Sleep” by Tizzie Hall.
I was so excited...I was total beside myself. When the book arrived in the mail I franticly flipped to the page with her age and routine then packed Ara off to bed. No parent help to get her off to sleep. She didn’t cry...she went to sleep.
Dave and I thought it was a miracle and when 45mins came round and she woke up, I rush down to the bedroom and patted her back to sleep. It was so simple.
Then I really read the book and found that I should not rush in and help her back to sleep...in fact even if she threw up or had a messy nappy I should still let her scream her self to sleep. She encouraged total separation from our baby. All this terrible treatment is something I would not even do in training our cat.
The funny thing is I think Tizzie recommended that I keep a diary to keep track of our success.
SUCCESS?....what about total FAILURE!
I can here a few of you say “now Megan you just didn’t stick to it...you obviously went in when you should of just let her go”
Well I’m telling you now. I did not! I wanted to make this work. I love routines as I cannot live my life with out one, I’m a total mess with out one and I really wanted one for Ara so I knew where I stood.
So I REALLY wanted to make this work and I did EVERYTHING I COULD.
In reading my diary now today I can not believe what I did to my baby...to poor Dave and to my self. I should be sent to jail for child abuse.
I worked so hard at this Save Our Sleep for a month. I can see the moment I started was the moment Ara stopped. She stopped eating properly, she stopped feeding properly. (We used to feed on demand about 3 hours apart except for at nite of course... In the book it is a four hour routine with strict times. On this routine Ara would feed for as short as 0mins or as long as 5mins), She stopped putting on weight (well of course...nothing was going in) and worst of all she stopped looking at me, wanting to be held by me or smiling............
BUT EVEN BIGGER she stopped sleeping.
She just screamed and screamed. If she did sleep, it must have been from total collapse and she would only be asleep for 10-15mins.
Everything fell apart.
Then I realised my mistake my dream for being a wonderful caring understanding observing mother had been lost...to boot I was still over tired.
After talking with Mum about another book I’d found on the net...humming and haring as I was not keen to go through more horror she brought me the book...Elizabeth Pantley’s “No Cry Sleep Solution”. I was very weary of a new book but I saw that this lady had a heart unlike the other who is only interested in a quick fix (well for some baby’s not ours).
Mum also read in Elizabeth’s book about Dr Sears and pointed me in the direction of his web site.
So in a round a bout way we made it....and discovered that I was right! My instincts were telling me the truth. The more you hold on to your baby (if that’s what your baby wants) the more you understand your baby. The faster your baby will learn...the more you will learn with it.
Ara is my darling and I would not have her any other way. I just thank my lucky stars that she was strong enough for me to find the right way.
After looking on the Carrying Away website http://www.carryingaway.com.au I have once more become excited about ways of carrying Ara.
I’ve been using the Natures Sway sling for a few months now and would not do with out it. Its great when we go shopping I’ve got my hands free and I can see what Ara is doing...we can have a full on “conversation” which is really great for her learning.
When I started to try out the sling I was very disappointed, as it just didn’t seem to work. But after reading the Sears web site http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T051100.asp and books I’ve realised what I was doing wrong and now it works like a dream.
Ara needs to be on the move all the times, so she hated all the fussing over her and putting her in an environment that was like a “wrap” which meant bedtime. So the idea was I just shoved her in and starting walking...and all of a sudden this was great for Ara as she got to see everything but at Mum’s level.
Now Ara is getting older and a little heavier I’ve been looking at other methods of getting round with my baby. I’m a keen bush walker and have been wanting to get back on the tracks....if even only a few of the local park walks. So I brought a length of material and cut it to size and followed the guidelines on the Carrying Away website for a backpack carry.
WOW!
We both loved it. I had it rigged up so she could see over my shoulder, as she is just interested in everything around her. We were off chasing turkeys, talking to the next-door neighbours dog, visiting the new house getting built down the road and up the steep bank through the bush on the next section to ours.It was like carrying my old school bag on a good day...lunch, togs and that’s about it.
And by the way this is my husbands web site so do check it out http://davebartlett.net
My theory is that people measure time relative to the time we have lived.
Remember how long and hot the summers were...how long school holidays were...how long a day felt. And now your older...how fast it all goes.
So 1 hour for a 30 year old would be the same as 1minute for a six month old.
Your alone for 1 hour and your 30 years old.
You can feed your self
You can keep your self warm
You have knowledge of the world around you.
You feel comfortable and safe with you surroundings.
And if you don’t you can do something about it.
Your a six month old baby and alone for 1min
You cannot feed yourself
You cannot put on or take off clothing
You have no idea about the world
Your only contact that you know is your parents
You cannot communicate any way but coo and cry in varying tones.
For a baby of six months old to cry for 18 minutes (recommended time from the book “Save our Sleep”) calculate that to get equivalent for a 30 year old and it is 18 hours.
18 HOURS OF SCREAMING YOUR LUNGS OUT!
Man these little baby’s are amazing.....I’d only do that if I thought I was going to die.
"We can share a parenting philosophy but not the method."
We are all different people with different needs and wants.
Same with our baby.
What will work for one baby maybe not another.
What will work at one time...will not at another.
Keep us guessing keep us on our toes.
There are heaps of ideas out there.
Lets share them.
But lets remember that what works for your baby may not work for mine...and vice versa.
